Me ♥

Meishell One day, I will have my fairytale ending with you.

My Two Oh Fourteen Wishlist ♥

New wallet New watch A romantic getaway with Mr Handsome Boy

Loved ones ♥

Meet the people I love ♥

*Lionel*
*Kok Keong*
*Brandon*

Past entries

Are you sure you want to turn back the time and read about my past?

♥ Memories 12/26/10 - 1/2/11 1/2/11 - 1/9/11 1/9/11 - 1/16/11 1/16/11 - 1/23/11 1/30/11 - 2/6/11 2/6/11 - 2/13/11 2/20/11 - 2/27/11 3/6/11 - 3/13/11 3/13/11 - 3/20/11 3/20/11 - 3/27/11 3/27/11 - 4/3/11 4/3/11 - 4/10/11 4/10/11 - 4/17/11 4/17/11 - 4/24/11 4/24/11 - 5/1/11 5/1/11 - 5/8/11 5/8/11 - 5/15/11 6/12/11 - 6/19/11 6/19/11 - 6/26/11 6/26/11 - 7/3/11 7/3/11 - 7/10/11 7/10/11 - 7/17/11 7/17/11 - 7/24/11 7/24/11 - 7/31/11 7/31/11 - 8/7/11 8/7/11 - 8/14/11 8/14/11 - 8/21/11 8/21/11 - 8/28/11 8/28/11 - 9/4/11 9/4/11 - 9/11/11 9/11/11 - 9/18/11 9/18/11 - 9/25/11 9/25/11 - 10/2/11 10/2/11 - 10/9/11 10/9/11 - 10/16/11 10/16/11 - 10/23/11 10/23/11 - 10/30/11 10/30/11 - 11/6/11 11/6/11 - 11/13/11 11/13/11 - 11/20/11 11/20/11 - 11/27/11 11/27/11 - 12/4/11 12/4/11 - 12/11/11 1/1/12 - 1/8/12 1/8/12 - 1/15/12 1/15/12 - 1/22/12 1/22/12 - 1/29/12 2/12/12 - 2/19/12 2/26/12 - 3/4/12 4/1/12 - 4/8/12 4/29/12 - 5/6/12 5/6/12 - 5/13/12 6/3/12 - 6/10/12 6/24/12 - 7/1/12 7/1/12 - 7/8/12 7/22/12 - 7/29/12 7/29/12 - 8/5/12 8/5/12 - 8/12/12 9/2/12 - 9/9/12 9/9/12 - 9/16/12 9/16/12 - 9/23/12 10/7/12 - 10/14/12 10/14/12 - 10/21/12 10/21/12 - 10/28/12 11/4/12 - 11/11/12 11/11/12 - 11/18/12 11/18/12 - 11/25/12 11/25/12 - 12/2/12 12/2/12 - 12/9/12 12/9/12 - 12/16/12 12/23/12 - 12/30/12 12/30/12 - 1/6/13 1/27/13 - 2/3/13 3/31/13 - 4/7/13 4/21/13 - 4/28/13 6/16/13 - 6/23/13 9/8/13 - 9/15/13 11/10/13 - 11/17/13 2/23/14 - 3/2/14 3/2/14 - 3/9/14 7/6/14 - 7/13/14 7/20/14 - 7/27/14

Creditorials

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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Ultimately, I want to say this. This story was never meant to hurt you, or to make you feel bad. This is just a platform for me to scold, rant, whine, complain whatever problems or life issues I'm facing... 


Once upon a time, I met this guy. It wasn't love at sight but rather, we started off as really good friends. After many conversations, I kinda developed feelings for this guy. Much to my surprise, he feels the same way too. Through a mutual friend, we started off as a couple. 
Happiness was not for long. I started feeling vexed about questions and thoughts such as, " What happened if my parents caught us red-handed.", "They will never approve of what I am doing and perhaps break us up", "How long can we keep this secret?" (These are some of the questions, however there are many more.)
My honeymoon period lasted me about 6 months before the trouble start to pour in. School, time management and the amount we'll spend together. It was also my first time feeling so involved in a relationship. All the emotions were well-spent in the relationship. I don't deny tears were most shed in the process, but all I ever wanted for a normal healthy relationship.
I don't want to be like my friends (names I shan't mention). I want to be given a chance to be lavished upon, loved and cherished.
I wasn't good enough. Perhaps I was also immature at that time, but throughout the months, I grew from a young girl to a lady. I tried my best but my best wasn't the best and I hated myself for that. So many times, I tried to convince myself, no, I do not deserve such a person, but I don't know what will happen if one day, I lost him. 
Polytechnic's hectic life led me to my loss of weight and I grew much skinnier, cowardice, antisocial. People who were once my friends weren't all that close to me anymore. My gang was preparing for their O's at that time and they had totally no time to hear me out, except two people, T and MY. I hung out with them, taught them some O'level stuff and they kept me company. Then I realised T was the Mr Perfect I could never have since Primary school. His kindness to everybody, his loyalty to friends, his sweetness to girls, and he is ever the only one who can win me at all my arguments. He 's a really smart guy, but he wasn't the one.
My heart started beating for him again  right after June holiday and there goes my dream again. This time, it hurt worst than before and no one could mend that hole in me. 
I cried day and night secretly and nobody knew. I went through hell and my grades could be the prove. I scored badly and almost retained for some modules. 
Up till now, that hole is still there, it's an empty, open, naked wound that nobody could mend. 
I have the support of my brothers and friends but they never know what I've been through. I wished that brother polar bear and brother ninja turtle could see the change in me, the grown, wiser version of the naughty little girl. I started hanging out with them more often and though they were the ones who taught me how to drag my time home, they were never bad influences like what my mum said. 
I am still in love with this awesome guy but yeah, I let nature takes its course. I won't force, neither will I question about it anymore, nor I cry over it. (try to guess who? But you will never know who is he...)
I guess thats the end of my story for now. I'm too tired to go on.




Note: My future is created by me and only me. Let fate be, if its meant to be, it will return once more back to the original owner.